An "Ode To Lettuce"

My favorite vegetable deserves some respect!

For years, when asked, I have offered up my choice for my favorite vegetable. It is lettuce.

This statement was always followed by giggles and snickers as if I had just given out the punchline of a very weak joke. I would then insist that I was being honest. I love lettuce, it is in fact my favorite vegetable, and I have been “defending” it for years.

And I am tired of it.

Lettuce can be beautiful. A bright green robust head of lettuce with just a hint of moisture twinkling from its leaves, is one of God’s masterpieces. I have never been a vegetable guy, much to the chagrin of my Italian family and ancestors.

I do like some veggies, the rather pedestrian ones. I like corn on the cob, sweet onions, and cucumbers. Tomatoes? Meh. Broccoli? Yes, steamed with Italian dressing over it. Carrots? Take them or leave them. Radishes, eggplant, artichoke, squash, and all the usual “farmers market options”? I’ll pass.

Yes my dinner menu choices are limited.

And, yes. My doctor has a fit.

Photo by Shelley Pauls on Unsplash

Have you ever just had a bowl of lettuce with some olive oil mixed in? I have. Have you ever ordered a sub at Jersey Mike’s and asked for “extra lettuce?” Have you ever quizzed your waiter about “what kind of lettuce do you use in your salad; Butter Lettuce, Romaine, Iceberg?”

Cue the blank stares.

Anybody who knows me understands my affinity for the “glorious green head.”

For me, in its perfectly pristine presentation, it comes to my table as a Wedge Salad.

That, is lettuce times ten.

I always order my tossed dinner salad the same way, with Italian dressing. Oh, excuse me, with balsamic vinaigrette. Don’t get me started on that one.

But a Wedge Salad is a work of art. A large, near-half sized head of crisp lettuce. I am already drooling onto my keyboard.

For a bit of history, the Wedge Salad was born in a 1916 cookbook (first time the name was seen in print), and by the 1920s it was popping up on menus in fancy restaurants. It graduated from the hoity-toity kitchen at Delmonico’s’ Steakhouse in New York City in the mid-1930s. Originally called “Hearts of Lettuce Salad,” it landed on the menu with a new moniker, “Wedge Salad”, and was perfectly paired with the restaurant’s epic steaks.

For my Wedge Salad I always switch from my de rigueur oil and vinegar based dressing to a chunky bleu cheese. Bacon sprinkles, of course. And maybe, if I am feeling frisky, some corn, sliced cucumbers around the base, and some colorful dots of red peppers for color. If Italian toasted croutons are offered, I get a little giddy.

The Wedge Salad, when done properly, looks like it weighs about a half-pound. A big, juicy half-pound of gorgeous 96%-water Iceberg lettuce all dressed up and ready to go to the ball.

When it is presented to me, I envision it as crown. A lettuce crown.

Me and my “crown”…

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Oh, and with a Wedge Salad I never have to say “can I have some extra lettuce, please?”

So I am shucking my cloak of shame and proclaiming my love for my favorite vegetable. “Oh, dear lettuce. How do I love thee? Let me county the ways….”

One more thing. The BLT is one of America’s favorite sandwiches, right? I enjoy it once in a while also. But, even though I am not a real fan of tomatoes, I will admit I have never ordered a BLT, “can you hold the T and can I have extra L?”

Not yet…..

(Trivia: Is Iceberg lettuce healthy for you? Why do some people call it boring, sad, and “The Polyester of Lettuce.” Love it or hate it, you will want to see what I found. Very interesting! Click below).